License to Wed… Your Cousin?!!

Yesterday, I had the absolute honor of going with my best friend of more than 35 years and her soon-to-be husband to serve as a witness for their marriage license. It felt full-circle because decades ago, we did the same thing for each other for our first marriages. Don’t judge.

Everything was going smoothly until the clerk suddenly asked them, “Are you related?”

I snorted. Out loud. Completely involuntary. Me. A grown, middle-aged woman. My best friend hit me with the please behave look, but it was too late. My brain had already launched into WHAT IN THE GAME OF THRONES IS THIS!

I mean, seriously. How is this legal in 2025? In a municipal building in New Jersey? I half expected a raven to swoop in and deliver a message on a scroll.

The clerk, unfazed by my spiraling, calmly explained why the question exists: It’s perfectly legal to marry your first cousin in the state of New Jersey.

Yes. Today. Right now. In the year of iPhones, DoorDash, and viral TikTok memes.

And that was the exact moment my soul briefly left my body. How did I not remember this when I got married in this very state? Okay, it was a long time ago. I guess I’ve used up a few brain cells. But still…

No offense if you happen to be married to your cousin. I’m not judging. I’m sure your love story is filled with joy and paperwork efficiency, but I personally find this absolutely wild.

Historically, marrying a first cousin was totally fine. In early America—especially farming communities, frontier towns, and rural areas—marrying a cousin kept land, finances, labor, and family alliances intact. Then, in the late 1800s and early 1900s, states started banning cousin marriage because of new ideas about genetics, morality, and civilization.

But New Jersey never joined the club. I guess because we’re known as the Garden State?

Loved ones toast together at a beautifully set holiday table, surrounded by festive lights and a delicious feast.

And just when I thought it couldn’t get any more unhinged, I remembered a true story I read about recently. A couple in the U.S. who were happily married with kids, a house, the whole suburban starter kit, took an at-home DNA test and found out they were first cousins. Oopsie. Family tree? More like family wreath. What a plot twist!

This year, I’ll be spending Thanksgiving with two different branches of my family and you better believe I’ll be looking at my cousins a little differently. Not in a flirty way (DEAR GOD, NO). Just in a Thank you, Universe, for sparing me from a TLC documentary way.

I’m still processing the fact that I live in a state where you need seventeen forms of ID to buy Sudafed, but marrying your first cousin? Totally fine. Do you, New Jersey. Do you.

Meanwhile, my best friend and her fiancé calmly answered the question like normal adults while I was in the background silently plotting this very Substack post.

Once I recovered, I signed my name and congratulated them on their upcoming nuptials. No shared DNA required.

One question remains. If New Jersey lets you marry your first cousin, can I marry my cats? Zoe, Ella, and Mr. Furbs already sleep in my bed, eat my snacks, and provide emotional support. They’re loyal. Affectionate. Entertaining. And they’re always there for me. Seems like a no-brainer.

This post was originally published on my Plot Twist Diaries Substack column.